8 Reflections on Our First Decade of Marriage: Couple Q&A
It seems like our wedding was just yesterday, but at the same time, it feels like I’ve known my husband my whole life. How cliche and sickeningly sweet, right? Well, it’s just the truth! So in honor of our 10 year wedding anniversary, we decided to take a Q&A-style look back over the last 10 years. Here are 8 reflections on our first decade of marriage couple Q&A!
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As you can guess, I was the one who came up with the questions. I jotted down a few and began answering them myself, and then I decided to text them to Caleb. I’ll post all of his responses first and then all of mine. So without further ado, here are our 8 reflections on our marriage thus far.
Caleb’s 8 reflections on 10 years of marriage
He opted to number everything with a zero, which is basically his way of saying “in no particular order.” He’s also pretty ornery sometimes as evidenced by some of his responses below!
3 big things you’ve learned about marriage over the past 10 years:
0. Listening is a learned behavior. I’m still learning.
0. Little things are important, like setting a fork on a napkin.
0. Watching shows we both like is much more fun.
What ways have you seen your marriage attacked?
0. Sleeping in a small bed makes the nights long and the tempers short.
0. Losing a position is hard to recover.
0. The loss of a loved one hurts.
What ways have you seen your marriage blessed?
0. Making it possible to live in a nice home close to family and sleep in a large bed not too close to family.
0. Learning grace is a person.
0. Ability to live within our means and not have to both work outside the home.
What was the biggest adjustment when you were first married (for either or both of you)?
Sleeping in the same small bed.
What’s something you/your spouse still struggle with in marriage?
Sleeping in the same bed with one sheet and one blanket.
How do you cope with that struggle?
Get a large bed and make it really comfortable and sometimes not use the same sheet and blanket.
What’s your favorite thing about marriage?
Sleeping in the same bed.
Why did you get married?
To be with my wife.
Liv’s reaction:
“The loss of a loved one hurts.” That’s about my mama right there. He’s helped me so much in going through that. I’m still going through it. And he’s still right there with me.
The fork on a napkin thing I think refers to my slightly OCD germophobe-ness. And the fact that I don’t clean the kitchen counters as often as I should. Lol.
Wow, he’s really concerned with sleeping habits. Lol. When we first got married, we had a double bed. And it was horrid. Neither one of us got any sleep and the whole arrangement was so frustrating. I wanna be close to you, but not that close! Lol.
“Learning that grace is a Person.” This. It’s everything. Literally everything: Jesus.
“Why did you get married?” “To be with my wife.” Classic Caleb. Have I mentioned that I love him? (I love him.)
Free Prayer Board printable
Ever commit to pray for someone and forget to follow through? I’ve got the solution! Get the password for the library with the free Prayer Board printable here by filling out this form:
Liv’s 8 reflections on 10 years of marriage
My answers are extremely different from Caleb’s. Lol. The difference between men and women, perhaps? ? Or maybe just the difference in our personalities? Hmm…
3 big things you’ve learned about marriage over the past 10 years:
1. Teamwork
We work well together and take turns with duties and responsibilities. We’re there for each other physically and emotionally.
I’m learning that there’s no one way to do something; there are many ways to go about things. My way isn’t necessarily right or wrong, it’s just one way of doing things, not the only way. Things can be done in a different way and still get taken care of.
2. Communication
It can be easy to keep our thoughts to ourselves, especially since we’re both pretty introverted and quiet. But we’ve learned to really open up with each other. It helps with expectations, desires, and needs being met if we can communicate those things with each other. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, but I’ve learned to speak up and let my husband know that instead of stonewalling.
3. Selflessness
I feel like this is something that describes my husband really well. He’s a very generous and caring person and gives to many people in many ways. Of course, I’m continuously seeing that in our marriage, and he inspires and influences me to grow in that way. It feels like baby steps for me, but I’m learning.
What ways have you seen your marriage attacked?
1. When we were first married, my mom would tell me things that I should be upset with my husband about. Like the time he rearranged the furniture. That made me realize that she had some unresolved issues and past trauma, and I wasn’t going to let her project that onto my marriage.
2. When we were first married, my mother-in-law came against me and flat out told me she didn’t see that I even loved my husband. I had to cut off communication with her for a while. She didn’t understand our dynamic and was trying to change us. We had to put our marriage first. My mother-in-law and I have a very good relationship now though and I absolutely love her. That was a long time ago!
3. I don’t know if I would use the word attack, but we’ve certainly been through trying times. We had moments at the beginning of our marriage where we stonewalled and weren’t good at talking about our feelings. We weren’t the best at communicating about our plans and keeping each other informed, so it was easy to feel unappreciated or left out of the other’s life in different ways. We’ve both had illnesses, surgeries, job losses, and the loss of my mom was a huge blow. And I went through some hormonal, depressed times trying treatments for endometriosis. Facing all these things together definitely made us stronger as a couple.
What ways have you seen your marriage blessed?
1. Respect and honor for one another. Putting one another first above all others.
2. Spiritual growth. We sharpen each other and give each other different perspectives on situations. He helps me to be more giving and accepting of others, and be more positive and with a grateful perspective.
3. God has seen us through many challenging and trying times, and the fact that He’s given us each other has helped us grow closer and stronger through the trials. We know we’re always there for each other. We’re the very best of friends.
What was the biggest adjustment when you were first married (for either or both of you)?
It was very challenging to move away from my mom and sister. I’d never lived on my own before I was married, so I missed them a lot. I didn’t go away to college or have my own apartment before we were married, so not living with my closest family members and best friends was hard. I was so happy to be married but I did cry a bit at first. It was just a period of adjustment.
What’s something you/your spouse still struggle with in marriage?
I can still be tempted to keep my feelings in. I’ve grown a lot in that way, but it’s still there at times. I tend to feel upset or sad or whatever about things—not necessarily within our relationship, but anything—and I just kind of push it aside. Then everything keeps building until a little thing sends me into overwhelm and I just need a good cry.
How do you cope with that struggle?
I’ve gotten to the point though where, even though I might not be able to define what I’m feeling, I can share that with my husband. And I recognize that I’m feeling overwhelmed and he can help comfort me or help me sort things or take care of some things.
What’s your favorite thing about marriage?
Being with my best friend in all the world every single day. Having someone who understands me and who I can give that sense of being heard and understood to as well. Going through life together knowing we’re extremely committed to each other and always being there to support one another in whatever life brings. Having someone love and accept me for me without any judgment. Lots of hugs, every day. Starting our day off together and ending our day together. Someone to share in joys and sorrows. Someone to partner with. Someone to grow with spiritually. I love everything about being married to my husband.
Why did you get married?
I love him and I know him, and I couldn’t see going through the rest of my life without him. He’s my partner and best friend. I wanted to share my life with him and to be a part of his. I wanted my life to become our life. It wasn’t just about having a wedding, or the idea of “being married” or being someone’s wife. It was being his wife. He loves the Lord and is the most generous, tenderhearted, authentic, strong, lighthearted, caring, loyal, trustworthy man of God I’ve ever known. I love him dearly. He’s my closest, dearest friend.
Caleb’s reaction:
We make a great team whether it’s being home with the pug or going out somewhere. You allow me to help and assist you, and you help me too. One example of doing things the “right” way the first half of our marriage: folding towels with the tag tucked in and 3/4 fold, which I’m still bad at.
A communication example: I remember our pastor saying, “How’s that gonna work with both y’all being quiet?” I said, “It’ll be very peaceful in the house.”
A selflessness example: When we were first married, I had no money in the bank account. (Yikes!) I think there has to be a happy medium between giving it all away and saving for our own lives. The struggle is finding it. You’re so good at saving and I’m so good at spending/giving. We definitely need each other in that area.
Final thoughts on our first decade of marriage
I seriously find it hard to believe that 10 years have come and gone already! Our marriage is the biggest blessing in my life, and I pray we have many, many, many more years of health and happiness together. ❤️
I hope you’ve enjoyed our 8 reflections on our first decade of marriage couple Q&A!
Wanna share how long you’ve been married and even do the 8 reflections yourself? I’d love to read them in the comments below!
Free Prayer Board printable
Ever commit to pray for someone and forget to follow through? I’ve got the solution! Get the password for the library with the free Prayer Board printable here by filling out this form:
Looking for more resources on marriage? Check out To Love, Honor, and Vacuum!
Related posts
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- A Letter to My Mama on Her 6-Year Anniversary in Heaven
- How I Quit My Job When I Couldn’t Afford To
- Embracing Grace | My Testimony
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